What are Cognitive Distortions in Childhood?

Cognitive distortions are ingrained patterns of thinking that lead children to interpret situations inaccurately, often resulting in feelings of anxiety, depression, or reduced self-esteem. These often rigid “automatic thoughts” can make it difficult for your child to see the nuances in situations. For example, a single mistake by a peer might lead your child to declare, “Well, that kid is not my friend anymore,” leaving no room for alternative perspectives. This rigidity can make friends and family feel as if they are “walking on eggshells.”

Pioneered by psychologist Aaron Beck, understanding these thought patterns is crucial in addressing conditions like anxiety and depression. Embracing different possibilities and fostering a mindset of resilience are key. When a child thinks, “I am a bad person,” it leaves little room for growth. However, thinking “I had a bad day” opens the door to a better tomorrow.

Signs of Cognitive Distortions in Children

Be aware of these behaviors that may indicate your child is experiencing cognitive distortions:

• Black-and-White Thinking: A rigid view with no middle ground, seeing things as either entirely good or entirely bad.
• Absolutes: Frequent use of extreme statements such as, “Math is evil,” “Everyone hates me,” or “This is the worst day of my life.”
• Stubbornness: Giving others only one chance to meet their expectations.
• Jumping to Extremes: A minor disappointment escalates into an exaggerated negative reaction, e.g., “If the store is out of bubblegum ice cream, then I don’t want any! This place is stupid!”
• Negative Filtering: Consistently seeing the negative side of things, ignoring positive aspects.
• Exaggeration: Severely overstating problems, often referred to as “making a mountain out of a molehill.”
• Dramatic Reactions: A minor conflict with a friend leads to intense sobbing and declarations of the “end of the world.”
• Emotional Roller Coaster: Rapid shifts in mood and perception of others, from extreme positivity to extreme negativity.

Common Types of Cognitive Distortions in Childhood

Here’s a breakdown of common faulty thinking patterns:

• Black-and-White Thinking: Also known as all-or-nothing thinking, this involves perceiving the world in extreme viewpoints. Examples include “I am a terrible person” or “I like to do everything perfectly.” This thinking style is neither realistic nor helpful.
• Catastrophizing: Blowing small problems out of proportion and jumping to the conclusion that the worst possible outcome will occur, often without supporting evidence. As seen in the children’s story Big Dog, Little Dog, resisting the urge to catastrophize helps children avoid making “big problems out of little problems.”
• Minimizing: The opposite of catastrophizing, this distortion downplays positive experiences (like awards or recognition) while overemphasizing negative ones.
• Overgeneralizing: Taking one isolated incident and applying it to all situations, often using words like “never” and “always.” For example, “I made one mistake. I’m an idiot who always makes mistakes.”
• Blaming: Focusing on blaming others and refusing to take responsibility for mistakes.
• Disqualifying the Positive: Finding reasons to reject positive information or experiences.
• Jumping to Conclusions: Assuming you know what another person is thinking and immediately interpreting it negatively.
• Emotional Reasoning: Allowing emotions to dictate facts rather than logic and reason.
• Fortune Telling: Automatically assuming a negative outcome will occur.
• Personalizing: Believing everything is somehow related to oneself. If someone is quiet, they might assume, “I must have done something.”

Supporting Your Child with Cognitive Distortions

Empowering children to view negative occurrences as singular and specific, rather than global and general, can foster a more positive outlook and build confidence to try new approaches. Recognizing these negative thought patterns is the essential first step towards change. Once recognized, children can begin to reframe their thinking.

• DO listen to your child and echo or reframe what they say. For example, “I will never win student council president” can be reframed as, “It feels like things just never go your way.”
• DO offer understanding about the challenging situation, then gently suggest, “I wonder if there are a few things you could try?” Introduce hope or an alternative, without dismissing their feelings. For instance, “I understand that you are nervous about how you will do on the test. What can we do to help you feel better?”
• DO meet your child where they are. Guide them gently towards a less extreme position, allowing them to shift their thoughts to a more optimistic view, such as, “Maybe I’ll win if I share my ideas.”
• DO read books together that address emotional challenges and problem-solving, such as What Do You Do With A Problem?, What to do if you worry too much, From Worrier to Warrior, 12 Annoying Monsters, and How to Get Unstuck From The Negative Muck. These books can help children understand that negative thinking “gets in the way” of their happiness and well-being.
• DO provide a safe, quiet space. Encourage your child to use pre-identified coping strategies like listening to music, drawing, playing with fidget toys, or cuddling with a pet. This safe space allows them to notice, label, and evaluate their thoughts.
• DON’T tell your child how to feel or invalidate their emotions. Instead, validate and reframe. If your child says, “I hate my life,” avoid saying, “Your life is wonderful. Do you know how lucky you are?” Instead, respond with empathy: “You feel awful right now.”
• DO say, “It sounds like you had a terrible day. I’m here if you want to talk.” Encourage them to engage in relaxing or enjoyable coping activities like exercise, reading, drawing, or having a cup of tea.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child continues to struggle with extreme emotions, excessive worries, or depression despite home support, it’s time to seek professional help. Begin by contacting the school counselor. They can offer support within the school environment.

Consider involving a therapist or other mental health professional. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based approach often used to treat cognitive distortions, especially black-and-white thinking. CBT involves examining thoughts and challenging unhelpful beliefs to promote more realistic, evidence-based, and positive thinking. This cognitive restructuring can bring significant relief from anxiety and depression.Related Conditions and Professional Resources

Cognitive distortions can be associated with various mental health conditions, including:

• Anxiety: Excessive worry impacting daily functioning (generalized, separation, and social anxiety).
• Depression: Persistent low mood or irritability (in children) and decreased interest in enjoyable activities.
• Bipolar: Alternating periods of depressed and elevated mood.
• Disruptive Mood Dysregulation (DMDD): Chronic irritability leading to behavioral outbursts.
• Adjustment Reaction: Emotional symptoms stemming from significant life events (e.g., divorce, loss).
• Personality Symptoms: Low distress tolerance and excessive emotionality.
• Autism: A unique style of wiring that impacts social communication and can involve restricted interests or behaviors. Individuals with this neurotype may also experience cognitive distortions.
• Learning Differences: Challenges with reading, math, or writing that can lead to lowered self-esteem and associated anxiety and depression.

Professional Resources:

• Psychotherapist: To implement CBT strategies. This may include a psychologist, licensed professional counselor, licensed marriage and family therapist, or licensed social worker.
• Play Therapist: Suitable for very young children (up to approximately age six), this therapist uses play to address emotional symptoms and anxiety.
• Psychologist or Neuropsychologist: Can provide a comprehensive assessment of your child’s emotional well-being, behavior, cognition, learning, and language to help determine next steps.

Resources

• Beck, A. T. (1972, 2009). Depression: Causes and Treatment: Second Edition.
• Beck, J., & Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Second Edition, Basics and Beyond.
• Eastman, P. D. (2003). Big Dog…Little Dog. Random House Children’s Books.
• Guest, J. (2016). The CBT Art Activity Book: 100 Illustrated Handouts for Creative Therapeutic Work.
• Huebner, D. (2005). What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety.
• Knaus, W. J., & Ellis, A. (2012). The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression.
• Meredith, D. (2014). 12 Annoying Monsters: Self-Talk for Kids with Anxiety.
• Peters, D. B. (2013).