What is Expressive Language Discrepancy?

Does your child seem to talk a mile a minute but struggle to truly listen or comprehend what others are saying? This common scenario, known as expressive language discrepancy, means a child’s ability to express themselves verbally is significantly stronger than their ability to understand what’s being communicated to them.

• Expressive language is the ability to communicate thoughts, feelings, and ideas through speech.
• Receptive language is the ability to understand and interpret spoken or written language.

When a child has an expressive language discrepancy, they may speak fluently and extensively, but miss crucial cues or information in conversations. This can lead to monologues, difficulty engaging in back-and-forth exchanges, and a general sense of confusion for both the child and their conversation partners. It’s like they can clearly hear what’s coming from their own lips, but not what’s coming in through their ears.

Signs Your Child Might Have an Expressive Language Discrepancy

• Monologues: Your child tells long, winding stories that seem to lack a clear beginning or end, making it hard for others to follow or interject.
• Advanced vocabulary (without comprehension): They might use complex words, sometimes to impress, but struggle to understand the nuances of a conversation where those words are used by others.
• Getting lost in conversation: They may talk extensively with a friend but leave the interaction confused about what was discussed.
• Echolalia: Repeating words or phrases they’ve heard, rather than generating their own thoughts or actively listening.
• Difficulty following directions: They might only complete the first or last step of a multi-step instruction, indicating challenges with comprehending the full sequence.

Potential Factors Contributing to Expressive Language Discrepancy

• Autism Spectrum Neurotype: Many individuals with an autism spectrum neurotype experience social communication differences, and some may have a unique style of wiring where expressive language skills are more developed than receptive language skills. If your child struggles with emotional connection and communication with peers, exploring an autism spectrum neurotype with a testing psychologist can provide valuable insights.
• Language Differences: A mixed expressive-receptive language difference involves difficulties with both fluent expression and language comprehension. Some children might communicate their ideas well but struggle to understand others, indicating a receptive language difference. These differences may or may not co-occur with an autism spectrum neurotype.
• Intellectual Disability: Challenges with verbal comprehension and processing speed, often associated with intellectual disability, can lead to children talking more than they listen. Special education and speech therapy can be very supportive in these cases.
• ADHD: While less common, some children with ADHD may talk excessively and struggle with listening, not due to comprehension issues, but because they may not take the time to process what others are saying. This can sometimes manifest as a “bull in a china shop” communication style.

Strategies to Support Your Child

1. Practice reciprocal conversations: Model and encourage back-and-forth conversations. Use activities like the “tennis ball” game (from the Cadey app) where one person “holds the floor” with the ball, and the other listens, then they switch. Keep exchanges short and fun, celebrating successful turns.
2. Emphasize the “two ears, one mouth” rule: Teach your child the importance of listening more than talking. You can even make a game of tracking listening versus talking in conversations.
3. Play the “What did you learn?” game: After social situations, ask your child to recall facts about others (names, pets, vacation spots, favorite things). This encourages active listening and memory.
4. Join “just for fun” clubs: Low-risk, structured social activities like Lego clubs, cooking classes, or robotics clubs provide safe environments for practicing social skills with adult facilitation.
5. Provide breaks and downtime: Allow your child dedicated time to talk about their favorite interests without interruption. This helps them decompress and feel heard after social interactions.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child’s communication challenges are impacting their ability to form friendships, leading to peer rejection, or causing significant difficulties in playdates and school activities, it’s time to seek professional guidance.

Professional Resources

• School Psychologist: Can help understand the impact of social skills on school performance and participation, and explore support through multi-tiered supports (MTSS), a Section 504 Plan, or an Individualized Education Program (IEP).
• Speech and Language Pathologist: Provides therapy to enhance functional language skills, and may offer social language skills groups.
• Testing Psychologist: Conducts comprehensive neuropsychological or psychological evaluations to assess language development, cognition, social skills, and behavior, providing a profile of your child’s strengths and areas for therapeutic focus.

Book Resources

• Baker, Jed. (2006). Social skills picture book for high school and beyond.
• Baker, Jed. (Retrieved 2017). Social skills books and resources for ASD.
• Berns, Roberta M. (2010). Child, family, school, community: Socialization and support.
• Brown, Laurie Krasny & Brown, Marc (2001). How to be a friend: A guide to making friends and keeping them (Dino life guides for families).
• Cook, Julia (2005). My mouth is a volcano.
• Cook, Julia (2005). My mouth is a volcano activity book.
• Cook, Julia (2012). Making Friends is an art!: A children’s book on making friends (Happy to be, you and me).
• Cook, Julia (2014). Decibella and her 6-inch voice.
• Cooper, Scott (2005). Speak up and get along!: Learn the mighty might, thought chop, and more tools to make friends, stop teasing, and feel good about yourself.
• Daniels, Natasha (2019). Social Skills Activities for Kids: 50 Fun Exercises for Making Friends, Talking and Listening, and Understanding Social Rules.
• Fein, Deborah (2011). “The Neuropsychology of Autism”
• Giler, Janet Z. (2000). Socially ADDept: A manual for parents of children with ADHD and/or learning disabilities.
• Giler, Janet Z. (2011). Socially ADDept: Teaching social skills to children with ADHD, LD, and Asperger’s.
• Gray, Carol & Attwood, Tony (2010). The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 10th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, and Their Peers.
• Graves, Sue (2016). Monkey needs to listen.
• Jones, Christianne (2013). Lacey Walker, nonstop talker.
• Kroncke, Willard, & Huckabee (2016). Assessment of autism spectrum disorder: Critical issues in clinical, forensic, and school settings.
• Ludwig, Trudy, and Barton Patrice (2018). Quiet Please, Owen McPhee!
• McConnell, Nancy & LoGuidice (1998). That’s Life! Social language.
• Meiners, Cheri. (2003). Listen and Learn.
• Meiners, Cheri. (2003). Understand and care.
• Mendler, Allen (2013). Teaching your students how to have a conversation.
• Ozonoff, Sally & Dawson, Geraldine & McPartland, James C. (2014). A parent’s guide to high-functioning autism spectrum disorder: How to meet the challenges and help your child thrive.
• Sauer, Tammi (2019). Wordy Birdy.
• Stein, David Ezra (2011). Interrupting chicken.
• Stein, David Ezra (2018). Interrupting Chicken and the Elephant of Surprise.
• UCLA PEERS Clinic https://www.semel.ucla.edu/peers