What is Perspective-Taking?

Perspective taking in childhood is the ability to understand that another person’s thoughts and feelings can differ from one’s own. 

Children who excel in this area can often assess what someone else might be thinking based on a given situation. For instance, if a friend aces a test, they’re likely thinking, “This is great! I rocked that.” Conversely, a friend whose parents are divorcing might be thinking, “Wow, this is going to be really hard for me and for my family.” This skill is sometimes referred to as ‘Theory of Mind,’ as it involves a child forming a theory about another person’s internal experience.

Developing perspective-taking skills allows a child to be patient, understand others’ experiences, recognize their desires, and help meet those needs. In developmental psychology, this is considered a crucial social life skill and milestone. Even very young children can demonstrate perspective-taking; they might see an upset peer and instinctively want to help. 

A child with strong perspective-taking skills might gently place a hand on their friend’s shoulder and say, “It’s okay,” or approach a teacher to inform them that “Steven is upset, and he needs some help.” These children understand Steven’s sadness and can empathize, even if they are currently happy. They are motivated to help, rather than ignoring, overreacting, or becoming annoyed, recognizing that Steven has a different perspective.

Signs Your Child May Struggle with Perspective-Taking

• Unsure of what to say to another child: Difficulty relating to peers’ statements and responding appropriately.
• Hanging back in social situations: Appearing nervous or unusually quiet with new groups of peers.
• Seeming unusually self-focused: Preferring to talk about their own interests without inquiring about or noticing peers’ interests.
• Difficulty recalling friends’ interests, thoughts, or opinions: Appearing blank when asked about what matters to their friends.
• Monopolizing conversations with specific topics: Continuously talking about a favorite subject (e.g., video games, Minecraft) without checking for others’ interest.
• Not forming close connections: Having few intimate friendships.
• Unsure how to respond in emotional situations: Difficulty identifying and responding appropriately to others’ feelings.
• Friendly and kind but misunderstands if they hurt someone’s feelings: Unaware that their words or actions caused distress.
• Unreasonable expectations of younger siblings: Expecting all family members to adhere to the same rules and responsibilities regardless of age.

Examples of Healthy and Unhealthy Perspective-Taking

Consider these examples from first graders describing their friends.

Poor Perspective-Taking

• “I have two tiny friends; their hands are so small and so cute!”
• “Shaun has a broken leg, and Drew doesn’t.”

These examples show a child focusing on physical attributes rather than recognizing their friends as individuals with unique thoughts and experiences.

Good Perspective-Taking

• “Marcus is really smart. He loves to read anime, and we like to sit together in math. We love Skittles counting games!”
• “Marsha and I play together at recess. We both have dogs, and we like them more than our little sisters!”

These responses demonstrate an understanding of a friend’s interests, experiences, and perspectives. A young child who observes people with intent, rather than just objects, is more likely to develop strong perspective-taking skills.

A child with solid perspective-taking skills understands what you know about a topic versus what they know. They might ask, “Have you seen the new Marvel movie?” to gauge your background knowledge. In contrast, a child with less developed skills might launch directly into a story, assuming you have all the context.

Factors Influencing Perspective-Taking

Social skills develop at varying rates. However, if a child struggles with perspective-taking in early grade school, it can lead to social difficulties.

Here are some reasons why a child may experience challenges in this area.

Autism Spectrum Neurotype

This unique style of wiring often includes challenges in social communication and restricted or repetitive patterns of behavior or interests. Social communication challenges can involve difficulty knowing what to say, maintaining back-and-forth conversations, and reciprocity. Individuals with an autism neurotype may struggle to contribute meaningfully to interactions, partly due to difficulties understanding others.

• Internal or Object Focus: Children with an autism neurotype are often drawn to their own thoughts and ideas, and to objects rather than people. While other young children observe and imitate peers, children with an autism neurotype might be engrossed in figuring out how a computer works or disassembling a vacuum cleaner.
• Eye Contact: While not universal, some children with an autism neurotype may struggle with eye contact, leading to interactions where they don’t focus on others’ gestures and facial expressions, further impacting perspective-taking.
• Focused on Detail: Many children with an autism neurotype develop an exceptional ability to notice intricate details in pictures, Lego models, or remote controls, often disassembling and reassembling things in unique ways.

Young Children and Autism Neurotype

• Imitation: A young child with an autism neurotype may not imitate adults and might appear to be in their own world, spinning objects rather than using them functionally. In contrast, a child with strong imitation skills uses observation to understand human behavior. For example, a one-year-old might watch a parent blend a smoothie and then mimic the action with a toy blender, or take a hair straightener and pretend to style their hair. Imitation signifies a child’s attention to others’ actions and focus.

School-Age Child and Autism Neurotype

• Narrative Coherence: Older children with an autism neurotype may demonstrate poor perspective-taking through poor narrative coherence. They might struggle to tell a story in sequence with relevant information, starting in the middle, or omitting crucial details. For instance, they might talk about ‘Bobby’ without clarifying who Bobby is (neighbor, brother, cousin, etc.).

Teenager and Autism Neurotype

• Misinterpretation: Teenagers with less developed perspective-taking skills may misinterpret others’ intentions. They might perceive someone trying to help as making fun of them, or conversely, believe someone with poor intent is a friend. Some may withdraw from social situations due to uncertainty about others’ thoughts and feelings. A savvy teen understands genuine friendships and knows how to navigate conversations. Teenagers with an autism neurotype benefit from support from kind and understanding peers to reduce misinterpretations.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) 

Children with attention challenges may pay so little attention to those around them that they struggle to understand or describe their peers’ perspectives.

Intellectual Disability

This involves deficits in cognitive ability that can inhibit appropriate insight and responsibility. Perspective-taking requires abstract thinking, which can be challenging for a child with an intellectual disability.

Strategies to Support Perspective-Taking in Childhood

Teenagers: Navigating Social Intentions

Teenagers with less developed perspective-taking skills can be vulnerable to others’ ill intentions. They need trusted peers to help them confirm social cues.

• Help your child understand the intentions of others: Encourage your teen to check in with trusted friends. One client reported asking friends, “Does Sarah like me, or is she making fun of me when she does that at lunch?” While parents can’t be present in every situation, close friends can be invaluable. This teen, for example, realized with help that some peers were taking advantage of his kindness. With support, he found more genuine friends and developed healthier social relationships. Another risk is that teens with poor perspective-taking may assume the worst of others, missing genuine attempts at kindness.
• Help your child find one or two genuine friends: Having even a couple of close friends can significantly boost a child’s happiness and success. Open communication with parents and supportive friends can make a world of difference.

Children: Concrete Learning and Storytelling

• Teach your child what is known and unknown to others: Help your child understand that their friends may not know the same people, have seen the same movies, or been on the same vacations. Encourage them to ask questions like, “Have you ever been to Florida before?” before launching into a story. Children with an autism neurotype often respond well to concrete facts and information, and developing these skills early can prevent later problems.
• Practice telling succinct but complete stories: Practice asking good questions with your child. Use flashcards with common questions to facilitate back-and-forth conversations, encouraging your child to ask about your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives.
• Provide social experiences: Find groups, sports, or clubs aligned with your child’s interests. Arrange playdates with one good friend at a time. If these are challenging, make them more themed or structured, with planned activities and a shorter duration to ensure success.
• Be an emotions detective: Watch a movie together with the sound off. Ask your child, “What do you think that lady is thinking?” or “What do you think she is worried will happen next?” Then, turn on the sound to see if your interpretations were correct.

Young Ones: Engagement and Connection

• Join your child’s world: For young children who are focused on details and how things work, actively engage with them. Point out interesting things and share your feelings and ideas about topics.
• Playdates with peers who have similar interests: Find activities your child enjoys and arrange playdates with peers who share those interests, such as going to the park, visiting the zoo, or attending a quiet storytime at the library.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’ve tried these strategies and your child continues to struggle socially, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Children and teens often appreciate the opportunity to work on social skills.

ABA Therapy, Social Groups, and Psychotherapy 

For young children, Applied Behavior Analytic (ABA) therapy, when individualized and focused on fostering functional communication and understanding, can be invaluable in helping a child’s brain become more aware of others and learn to attend to and respond to their environment. For school-aged children and teenagers, social skills groups and psychotherapy can significantly improve perspective-taking. Consistent practice with social skills, combined with feedback and support from a trusted adult, goes a long way. Teenagers facing social struggles may also experience anxiety due to patterns of social rejection, and psychotherapy can address these associated symptoms.

Professional Resources on Perspective-Taking

• ABA Therapist: Provides Applied Behavior Analysis, using reinforcement principles to increase desired behaviors (like communication and language) and decrease undesired behaviors (like hitting/tantrums). ABA can address personal responsibility, social skills, conversation, and social perspective-taking for some children.
• Psychologist or Neuropsychologist: Offers evaluations for diagnostic clarification, producing a profile of your child’s strengths and weaknesses. A psychologist may also lead social skills groups to provide direct strategies and practice.
• Psychotherapist: Provides CBT interventions effective in helping children with an autism neurotype improve emotion recognition and understanding, personal insight, perspective-taking, social skills, and manage co-occurring depression and anxiety.
• Speech and Language Pathologist (SLP): An important team member if your child has language delays, providing speech and/or language support. Collaborative communication among all team members ensures comprehensive services.

Related Challenges to Perspective-Taking

• Insight: Poor perspective-taking often correlates with poor insight, which is the ability to understand and process one’s own emotions and those of others.
• Pragmatic language: Perspective-taking can be difficult for children who struggle with the social language used among peers, leading to misinterpretation of body language and nonverbal cues.
• Restricted patterns of behavior or interests: When a child is unsure of perspective, they may adhere to their own ideas or interests, exhibiting repetitive language, interests, or actions.
• Self-Esteem: Issues with perspective-taking can be linked to low self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem may lack the confidence to initiate social connections or the willingness to risk failure. Building social skills and successes can significantly boost confidence and pride.
• Social skills: Perspective-taking is broadly associated with a range of social skills challenges, including insight, empathy, and social communication.
• Social Motivation: Perspective-taking challenges can also be associated with a lack of social motivation, meaning the child may not actively seek friendships or initiate conversations.

Book Resources on Perspective Taking in Childhood

• Baker, Jed. (2006) Social skills picture book for high school and beyond.
• Baker, Jed. (Retrieved 2017). Social skills books and resources for ASD.
• Berns, Roberta M. (2010). Child, family, school, community: Socialization and support.
• Fein, Deborah (2011). “The Neuropsychology of Autism”.
• Giler, Janet Z. (2000). Socially ADDept: A manual for parents of children with ADHD and / or learning disabilities.
• Giler, Janet Z. (2011). Socially ADDept: Teaching social skills to children with ADHD, LD, and Asperger’s.
• Gray, Carol & Attwood, Tony (2010). The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 10th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, and their Peers.
• Kroncke, Anna P., & Willard, Marcy & Huckabee, Helena (2016). Assessment of autism spectrum disorder: Critical issues in clinical forensic and school settings. Springer, San Francisco.
• McConnell, Nancy & LoGuidice (1998). That’s Life! Social language.
• Mendler, Allen (2013). Teaching your students how to have a conversation.
• Ozonoff, Sally & Dawson, Geraldine & McPartland, James C. (2014). A parent’s guide to high functioning autism spectrum disorder: How to meet the challenges and help your child thrive.
• UCLA PEERS Clinic https://www.semel.ucla.edu/peers