Is your child or teenager saying, “I’m so awkward?” 

Teens in this generation are known for this hallmark phrase. The gen Y, gen Z, and younger generations have grown up with phones in their lives. Many will claim that they are socially anxious. They may feel unsure how to interact in person after all this time behind a screen. 

In his hallmark book, ‘The Anxious Generation” Dr. Haidt explores how the more limited face-to-face social interactions in this digital age have increased social anxiety. If your child or teenager seems to be struggling with the normal transition from the screen to the real world, readers are guided to check out his book.

However, sometimes your child actually does seem awkward around peers. You may notice your child seems like a round peg in a square hole. It may seem like it’s hard for your child to pick up on social cues. They may talk too loud in quiet spaces or speak too quietly in loud spaces. 

If you’ve noticed your child seems a bit unsure in social situations, or maybe they just have their own unique way of interacting with others, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore the world of social awkwardness in children together, with a gentle spirit and a toolbox full of supportive strategies.

What is Social Awkwardness in Childhood?

Social awkwardness in childhood is a unique way of interacting that may turn peers away. It’s like a dance where they are not quite sure of the steps. It’s that feeling of being a little out of sync in social situations, perhaps a bit unsure of what to say or do. It can show up as shyness, difficulty reading social cues, or even coming on a bit too strong.

Spotting the Signs of Social Difficulty

Social awkwardness can look different in every child, but here are a few common signs to watch for in your child.

• The bull in the china shop: Your child might barge into a group or a game without quite understanding the social dynamics.
• The wrecking ball: They might disrupt an activity or unintentionally break things due to a lack of social awareness.
• The close talker: Personal space might be a foreign concept, leading to uncomfortable closeness in conversations.
• Extreme shyness: Social situations might feel overwhelming, leading to avoidance or withdrawal.
• Incessant question asking: Repeating the same questions, even when the answers are clear, can be a sign of social confusion.
• Excessively chatty: Talking non-stop without giving others a chance to participate can be a form of social awkwardness.
• Restricted interests: Focusing on a specific topic and struggling to shift gears in conversations can lead to social difficulties.
• Overly formal: Using language that seems too mature for their age can create a disconnect with peers.
• Bossy or inflexible: Insisting on things being done their way can lead to conflict and frustration in social interactions.
• Socializes only on social media: While social media can be a helpful tool, relying solely on online interactions can hinder real-world social development.

Understanding the Why of Social Differences

Social awkwardness can stem from a variety of factors.

Let’s take a look at a few of the common causes.

• New environments: Moving to a new school or neighborhood can disrupt social comfort and create a sense of awkwardness.
• ADHD: Children with ADHD might struggle with impulsivity and hyperactivity, which can impact social interactions.
• Autism spectrum disorder: Social communication challenges are a core feature of autism, often leading to social awkwardness.
• Social anxiety: Fear of social situations can lead to avoidance, withdrawal, and difficulty connecting with others.
• Giftedness: Gifted children might have intense interests or advanced vocabulary that can create a social disconnect with peers.
• Developmental trauma: Early trauma can impact a child’s sense of safety and ability to connect with others.

Pitfalls to Avoid

As parents, we want to guide our children with understanding and support.

Here are a few pitfalls to avoid when addressing social awkwardness.

• Minimizing their experience: Dismissing their struggles or telling them to “just get over it” can invalidate their feelings.
• Forcing social interaction: Pushing them into overwhelming social situations can increase anxiety and make things worse.
• Labeling them as “awkward”: Labels can stick and negatively impact their self-esteem.
• Overlooking underlying mental health: Social awkwardness can sometimes be a sign of underlying social anxiety or other mental health conditions.

Pearls of Wisdom for Parents

Now, let’s focus on the positive!

Here are some practical tips to support your child’s social journey.

• Create safe social opportunities: Arrange playdates with one or two kind and understanding children.
• Supervise and support: Keep an eye on social interactions and be ready to step in if needed to guide and support.
• Respect their limits: Don’t force them into every social opportunity. Honor their need for downtime and recharge time.
• Nurture their confidence: Help them identify their strengths and build their self-esteem.
• Teach social skills: Role-play different social situations, practice body language, and help them understand social cues.
• Seek professional support: If social awkwardness is causing significant distress or impacting their daily life, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor.

When to Seek Professional Guidance for Social Awkwardness

If your child is consistently struggling in social situations, experiencing social isolation, or showing signs of social anxiety, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance to help your child navigate their social world with greater confidence and ease.

A Final Word on Social Awkwardness in Childhood

Remember, every child blossoms at their own pace.

Social awkwardness is often a temporary phase, and with your love, support, and a sprinkle of those pearls of wisdom, your child can blossom into a confident and connected individual.

Resources for social awkwardness in childhood

Baker, Jed. (Retrieved 2017). Social skills books and resources for ASD.

Baker, Jed. (2006). Social skills picture book for high school and beyond. 

Berns, Roberta M. (2010). Child, family, school, community: Socialization and support.  

Giler, Janet Z. (2000). Socially ADDept: A manual for parents of children with ADHD and / or learning disabilities.

Giler, Janet Z. (2011). Socially ADDept: Teaching social skills to children with ADHD, LD, and Asperger’s.

Gray, Carol & Attwood, Tony (2010). The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 10th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, and their Peers.

Fein, Deborah (2011). “The Neuropsychology of Autism”

Kroncke, Willard, & Huckabee (2016). Assessment of autism spectrum disorder: Critical issues in clinical forensic and school settings. Springer, San Francisco.

Lawrence Heller. Healing developmental trauma: How early trauma affects self-regulation, self-image, and the capacity for relationships. 

McConnell, Nancy & LoGuidice (1998). That’s Life! Social language.

Mendler, Allen (2013). Teaching your students how to have a conversation.

Ozonoff, Sally & Dawson, Geraldine & McPartland, James C. (2014). A parent’s guide to high functioning autism spectrum disorder: How to meet the challenges and help your child thrive.

UCLA PEERS Clinic https://www.semel.ucla.edu/peers

Children’s books on social skills

Brown, Laurie Krasny & Brown, Marc (2001). How to be a friend: A guide to making friends and keeping them (Dino life guides for families). 

Cook, Julia (2012). Making Friends is an art!: A children’s book on making friends (Happy to be, you and me). 

Cooper, Scott (2005). Speak up and get along!: Learn the mighty might, thought chop, and more tools to make friends, stop teasing, and feel good about yourself.

Meiners, Cheri. (2003). Understand and care.