What is Perseverating in Childhood?

Perseveration in childhood means getting stuck on specific topics, ideas, or desires and refusing to shift away from them. It’s similar to rigidity or inflexibility, and you might find yourself thinking, “my child is relentless.”

As a parent, you probably know the feeling of being asked “just one more cookie” or “five more minutes” of screen time. You may start to feel like a vending machine for your child’s incessant requests. Does your child truly get stuck on a topic, idea, or desire, refusing to budge? This is called perseveration, and while common in childhood, it can become a concern when it significantly interferes with daily life.

Common Signs of Perseveration:

• Persistent focus: Your child keeps going on and on about the same topic, impacting schoolwork or getting things done.
• “Broken record” requests: They repeat the same request again and again, like asking for a snack after school repetitively.
• Difficulty letting go: Your child’s mind gets fixated on getting something, like computer time, and they can’t stop until they get their way.
• Seeking to “right a wrong”: They feel wronged and talk about an incident long after it’s passed, sometimes seeking revenge.
• Seeking reassurance: Constantly asking if you’ll be on time for pickup, or if certain things will happen as expected.
• Intrusive thoughts: Having outlandish or highly implausible ideas, like worrying the world will end or a plane will crash.
• Obsessions or compulsions: Becoming fixated on a particular topic, movie, or game, constantly bringing it up.
• Cognitive distortions: Thinking negatively about situations or assuming ill intentions from others, such as “You are always late” or “She must hate me now.”

These repetitive thoughts are often the result of established neural connections, like a rut in the sand. As the saying goes, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

Why Do Kids Perseverate?

Perseveration can stem from various underlying factors:

• Depression: A looping tape of negative thoughts can lead to feelings of hopelessness.
• Anxiety: Excessive worry about future events can manifest as repetitive thoughts and fears.
• Trauma: Children who have experienced trauma may re-experience scary or sad events, feeling trapped in their thoughts.
• Autism: Kids with autism often struggle with social interaction and communication, leading to fixation on specific topics or interests.
• ADHD: Children with ADHD can get stuck on topics, appearing disengaged or not attending to cues.
• Intensity: Gifted children, in particular, may have intense interests or desires, leading to perseveration, though this doesn’t indicate a disability.
• Justice seekers: Some children feel a need to “police the world” and get incensed by perceived injustices, unable to let them go.

Effective Strategies for Parents:

While challenging, there are many positive parenting approaches you can implement to help your child:

• Be Patient and Listen: Hear their concerns, even if they seem unreasonable.
• Validate Feelings (Don’t Refute): Instead of “no,” try “You feel sad because you wanted the ice cream…I understand.” My personal favorite is, “You really wanted that.” 
• Shift Focus, Not Argue: If the repetitive thought is about a toy or game, offer choices to shift the activity. Avoid power struggles.
• Be Clear with Expectations: State exactly what you want and what the outcome will be. Use natural consequences: “When X gets done, you get Y.” Define success operationally, for example, “A clean room looks like your clothes are hung in your closet, and the floor is vacuumed.”
• Avoid Repeating or Over-Explaining: Clearly state the rule and set the boundary. It’s okay to drop it once explained. You don’t need to convince them.
• Work on Yourself: Be mindful of your own responses. Are you overwhelmed? Focus on making a big deal of what your child is doing right. Use a calm, positive tone of voice. Take care of yourself. Remember “kids will be kids” and do your best to let the little things go.

When to Seek Professional Help:

If perseveration significantly impacts your child’s learning, relationships, or overall happiness, leading to frequent meltdowns, anxiety, anger, or depression, it’s wise to seek professional help. A comprehensive evaluation by a psychologist can help identify underlying causes and provide a profile of your child’s strengths and needs, leading to tailored recommendations and diagnoses.

Professionals Who Can Help:

• Psychotherapist or Play Therapist: To treat symptoms of anxiety or depression.

• Psychologist or Neuropsychologist: For a full assessment.
• Pediatrician: To prescribe and manage medication, often combined with psychotherapy.
• Psychiatrist: To diagnose mental health conditions and manage medication.
• Parenting Consultation with a Psychologist: To develop parenting strategies and home behavior programs, especially for behaviorally challenging children.
• ABA Therapist: To teach behavioral skills through reinforcement, particularly for extreme behavior problems.

By understanding the nature of perseveration and applying consistent, positive parenting strategies, you can help your child navigate this challenging behavior and foster healthier coping mechanisms.

Book Resources for Perseveration in Childhoood 

Resources on social skills
Baker, Jed. (Retrieved 2017). Social skills books and resources for ASD.

Cook, Julia (2006). My mouth is a volcano.

Cook, Julia (2012). Wilma jean and the worry machine.

Cook, Julia (2012) Wilma jean and the worry machine: Activity and idea book

Gray, Carol & Attwood, Tony (2010). The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 10th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, and their Peers.

Galbraith, Judy (2013). The survival guide for gifted kids: For ages 10 and under.

Galbraith, Judy & Delisle, Jim (2011). The gifted kid’s survival guide: Smart, sharp and ready for (almost) anything. Huebner, Dawn (2005). What to do when you worry too much: A kid’s guide to overcoming anxiety (What to do guides for kids).

Helsley, Donalisa (2012). The worry glasses: Overcoming anxiety.

Siegel, Daniel J. & Bryson, Tina Payne (2012). The whole brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind.

Smith, Bryan & Griffen, Lisa M. (2016). What were you thinking? Learning to control your impulses (Executive function).

Stein, David Ezra (2011). Interrupting chicken.

Zelinger, Laurie & Zelinger, Jordan (2014). Please explain anxiety to me.