Childhood Aggression

Ah, parenthood! It’s a journey filled with wonder, laughter, and sometimes, a bit of head-scratching. If you’re finding yourself wondering why your little one seems to resort to hitting, kicking, or biting, you’re certainly not alone.

Let’s dive into the world of childhood aggression together, with a compassionate heart and a toolbox full of helpful strategies.

What is Childhood Aggression?

Aggression in childhood refers to actions like hitting, kicking, or biting that can hurt others.

While it can be alarming to witness, it’s often a child’s way of expressing their needs and frustrations before they have the words to do so. Think of it as a communication gap, a temporary detour on the road to mastering those all-important social skills.

Spotting the Signs

Now, how can you tell if your child is struggling with aggression? Here are a few signs that the aggression has gone beyond the typical childhood trajectory. If the aggression is seeming out of the ordinary, it may be time to seek help.

• Physical actions: This includes hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing objects. It’s the most visible form of aggression and often the one that causes the most concern.
• Impulsive reactions: Ever seen your child lash out without thinking, only to regret it moments later? That’s impulsivity at play – a common culprit behind aggressive behaviors.
• Hyperactivity: Some children seem to have an endless supply of energy, constantly on the move. This can sometimes lead to unintentional aggression, like bumping into others or knocking things over.
• Emotional outbursts: Difficulty regulating emotions can result in anger and frustration boiling over into physical outbursts.

Unraveling the Causes

Aggression in children can stem from a variety of factors.

Let’s explore a few of the most common causes.

• Developmental stage: For our young kids, those toddlers and preschoolers, physical actions often precede verbal communication. They’re still learning the ropes of expressing their needs and wants effectively.
• Impulsivity: Acting without thinking, often in the heat of the moment, can lead to aggressive behaviors. It’s like their actions are a few steps ahead of their brains!
• Mood regulation: Imagine a little one struggling to keep their emotions in check. Frustration, anger, and sadness can bubble over and manifest as aggression.
• Executive function challenges: These are the skills that help us plan, organize, and solve problems. When children struggle with these, conflict resolution can become a real challenge, sometimes leading to aggression.
• Environmental factors: Our little sponges absorb everything around them! Exposure to aggression in the home or through media can influence their behavior.

Navigating the Pitfalls

As parents, we want to do everything we can to support our children.

Here are a few common pitfalls to avoid when addressing aggression.

• Overreacting: Responding with harsh punishments or excessive attention can inadvertently reinforce aggressive behaviors. It’s like accidentally shining a spotlight on the very behavior we want to discourage.
• Modeling aggression: Children are expert imitators! If they see us resorting to physical punishment or angry outbursts, they may learn to do the same.
• Ignoring underlying needs: Aggression is often a cry for help, a sign that something isn’t quite right. Ignoring the underlying needs can perpetuate the cycle of aggression.

Pearls of Wisdom to Guide You

Now, let’s shift our focus to the positive!

Here are some pearls of wisdom to guide you on this journey.

• Stay calm and patient: Even when your child’s behavior is challenging, remember to be the calm in their storm. Model positive behavior and offer gentle guidance.
• Teach coping skills: Equip your child with the tools to identify and express their emotions in healthy ways. Think deep breaths, calming techniques, and finding healthy outlets for their energy.
• Provide physical outlets: Encourage activities that allow your child to release pent-up energy in a positive way. Sports, martial arts, or even a good old-fashioned dance party can work wonders!
• Set clear limits: Let your child know that aggression is not okay, while also providing clear expectations and consequences for their actions.
• Reinforce positive behavior: Catch your child being kind and gentle! Shower them with praise and rewards for positive interactions.

When to Seek Additional Support for Childhood Aggression

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may need to reach out for additional support.

Here are a few scenarios where seeking professional help is a good idea.

• Frequent aggression: If your child’s aggression is frequent or severe, it’s time to consult with a child psychologist or therapist. They can help you identify the root causes and develop a tailored plan.
• School-aged aggression: If your older child suddenly starts displaying aggressive behaviors, it could be a sign of underlying emotional or behavioral challenges that require professional attention.
• Teenage aggression: Aggression in teenagers can be particularly concerning and often requires intervention from a mental health professional.

Sometimes Aggression is Part of the Journey

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be bumps along the road, and that’s perfectly okay.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. With patience, understanding, and a sprinkle of those pearls of wisdom, you can guide your child towards positive and healthy ways of interacting with the world.

Resources and references for aggression in children

Barkley, Russell A. (2013). Taking charge of ADHD, 3rd edition: The complete, authoritative guide for parents. 

Cook, Julia (2011). Soda Pop Head. 

Cook, Julia (2011). Soda Pop Head Activity and Idea Book.

Seigel, Daniel J. & Bryson, Tina Payne (2014). No drama-discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. 

Kroncke, Anna P., & Willard, Marcy & Huckabee, Helena (2016). Assessment of autism spectrum disorder: Critical issues in clinical forensic and school settings. Springer, San Francisco.

Meiners, Cheri J. (2010). Cool down and work through anger (Learning to get along). 

Mulcahy, William (2012). Zach gets frustrated (Zach rules series).